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You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

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You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby chrisboote » Tue Jan 19, 2016 02:43 pm

From time to time I proof read novels by unknowns prior to submission
I read one today
It's an about ageing starship commander, aided by his nagging, bossy, supercilious Exec officer, who's been transferred to a decrepit old ship, due to be scrapped
He's trying hard to find positions on other, more prestigious, ships for his 5 'favourite' ship's officers
I say favourite, because apart from a few Officers' Mess stewards, the entire rest of the crew is barely mentioned
Anyway, does the plot sound familiar yet?
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby chrisboote » Tue Jan 19, 2016 02:47 pm

Oh, and the officers are John, kind, handsome and dim; Elias, sarcastic and intelligent, very much the favoured favourite; Mark, studious, devout, plays the cornet for ship occasions not too badly, Kit, gullible, easily led by the others; and Lyndon, immature, randy, destined for trouble

More clues needed?
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby chrisboote » Tue Jan 19, 2016 03:02 pm

In other news, which I am going to choose to believe is unrelated, all the brown bread ice cream is now gone :(
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby phalarope » Tue Jan 19, 2016 06:59 pm

Hyperdrive??

Patrick O'Brien??
Cheers -
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'The world is full of signals that we don't perceive.' -- Stephen Jay Gould, (1941-2002) paleontologist, evolutionary biologist, science historian

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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby chrisboote » Tue Jan 19, 2016 07:42 pm

Nope

Muuuuuuch older :)

Clue #2
Elias is offered a berth on a missionary ship called The Longbourn, but is unhappy with it's stifling atmosphere and pedantic, ponderous Captain Collins
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby Grace Speaker » Tue Jan 19, 2016 07:54 pm

Forbidden Planet?
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby chrisboote » Tue Jan 19, 2016 07:56 pm

Nope, way WAY older

Clue #3, John is seconded to The Gardiner, a very stuffy status conscious ship, but is sent back to the derelict when an incumbent junior officer is given the position he hoped for
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby Grace Speaker » Tue Jan 19, 2016 08:16 pm

Moby Dick?
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby chrisboote » Tue Jan 19, 2016 09:02 pm

Clue #4, Elias is seconded next, to a ship called The Rosing, which is commanded by a martinet, Commander de Bourg. While on this placement, The Rosing rendezvous with a shady merchant ship, the Darcy, which has a bad reputation.
Elias hears a few stories that makes him thankful that this is not to be a ship he would ever be posted to, and he says as much when he returns to the derelict, which, by the way, is called The Pemberley

Obvious enough yet?
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby phalarope » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:01 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: Got it on Gardiner. :D Pride and Prejudice Oh dear, oh dear!
Cheers -
Carol (phalarope)
'The world is full of signals that we don't perceive.' -- Stephen Jay Gould, (1941-2002) paleontologist, evolutionary biologist, science historian

Oysters have 4 lips

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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby Grace Speaker » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:21 pm

Oh blimey! yes, I get it now :roll:

. . . well, what feedback will you be giving on the, erm, 'updating' of this classic? :wink:
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Re: You couldn't make it up (well, HE couldn't)

Postby chrisboote » Wed Jan 20, 2016 08:42 am

I don't give feedback, I'm only proofreading

Actually, if it wasn't for the execrable vocabulary, no command of tense, and the flitting between different characters' points of view willy nilly, it's a reasonably well executed idea
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