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Perenting in this snowflake age.

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Perenting in this snowflake age.

Postby I.B.Igor » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:49 am

Hi all, my name is Jackie, and I am a perent. For those of you who have been here for a while, you will know me , and my son. You will also know the trials and tribulations as a single perent I went through in his teeage years, and then found happiness in Martyn, my long suffering and wonderful Husband .
You will also know I suffer from depression , and I find the winter months quite difficult, S.A.D it might be, but November is the time of year I lost my own Mother as a child, so find Bonfire night, and the run up to Christmas a little hollow , and a bit of a trial.

My situation is this, my son is now aged twenty four, has a good job, his own home, and a very driven and forward thinking financee, considering his childhood, the kid done good! very good.
Since my marrige to Martyn , and before we married my son moved out of his home, and into his then girfriends home, perfectly normal, but under a bit of a cloud. ( teenage boys :roll: and in the end we kissed and made up )
Since then he has tried to have a relationship with his Dad, a relationship wich has always been strained, I cannot count the times in the past where I have had to deal with my son, angry and hurt and bewildered by his own Fathers indifferance to the latest snub he has given his own son.
Despite all this, my son seems to forgive, and forget everything this man has done, in a way he will always be a seven year old boy, wishing his Daddy will come home, and love him.
A few years ago my sons financee called me, upset and angry that his Dad had once again upset my son, I asked her what she thought I could do, I have no contact details for his Father, and have no desire to speak to him, we have both moved on, and as our son is now twenty four, and a man, it is up to him how he deals with his own Father, I doubt calling him up out of the blue would have made much differance to the situation. And possibly had made it worse, so I was sympathetic, but said there was little if anything I could do.As usual the situation resolved itelf.

My problem is this, my son, and his fiancee have now stopped talking to myself or Martyn , again. the last time my son did this it took seven months for him to calm down, and in the end I had to stand on a doorstep and almost beg for him to come and speak to me.
They are supposed to be getting married next year, and despite the wall of silence we have endured for the last few months, I have sent countless texts, calls, and invites to them both for meals out, and to tell them both of upcoming family events, and visits from Grandpaerents ect. All to no avail. He has blocked me from his phone.
Friday I will be taking a taxi to his house, with presents from us, and his Grandperents, and Aunts and uncles, as he is blocking me ( I presume ) I will have to hope he is in, or hope one of his neighbours will let me into the block he lives in, so I can sit and wait for him or his finacee to open the door. If not I will have to leave them on the doorstep, and get a taxi back home.

Not the way I wanted to start Christmas, under a cloud again. I am worried what I am going to say to him. I am upset, angry and annoyed by the pair of them. I have tried my hardest over the years for my son, if my best now is not good enough, I truly feel like walking away , and letting him get on with the rest of his life, without me in it. Obviously he thinks he can cope without me, so why am I putting myself through all this worry and frustration .
Or is this normal for the Snowflake Generation ? and yet again, I aught to stand on his doorstep, begging him to forgive me, for something I have not done?
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Re: Perenting in this snowflake age.

Postby steeljam » Wed Dec 20, 2017 05:53 pm

What is this Snowflake reference?
I think people have always been the same; it is (un)Social Media that has highlighted the plight of these people.

It may sound daft but do you have access to the Santa outfit? Martyn would make a great Santa. Jacki, how do you feel about being an Elf?
Turn up with the presents and a long scroll list. When the door is opened, you, Jackie, look at the list and say "You are on the nice list and Santa has some presents for you."
Might just break the ice and put a smile on everyone's faces.
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Re: Perenting in this snowflake age.

Postby I.B.Igor » Wed Dec 20, 2017 08:25 pm

Nice idea Steeljam, I might use it ( cheaper than going round with a raspberry printed on a banner ) and it just might break the ice. :wink:
The snowflake generation is this, we have let a group of teenagers who have knever known poverty, being cold, un fed, or deprived belive it is thair right of life to have everything they want RIGHT NOW and if you refuse them, you are obviously cruel, nasty and plain mad, and determined to ruin whatever they wanted because you are just EVIL.
The word NO, or expecting them to be polite, nice, or just grateful when they ask you for anything is beyond them. Spolied brats with no manners . Far too fragile to deal with lifes little realities, like paying for themselves.
These kids do expect life to be a free lunch. and if it i'snt then its ALL YOUR FAULT!
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Re: Perenting in this snowflake age.

Postby Sandra » Thu Dec 21, 2017 10:10 am

I can't give you an answer to how to solve this but sitting by a pile of prezzies waiting for him to get home (may even work better if the girlfriend gets home first) might be enough for him to realise you do mean it when you tell him you love him regardless of how he behaves.

I've had experience of the snowflakes at work. 'But my friend from Uni gets to listen to the radio' I translated as the office he works in has a radio that he cannot touch or his fingers will be broken. It was always hell trying to get this lad to work. Got no end of grief that the person who was meant to cover me for leave hadn't done anything! (Despite spending hours preparing a step by step 'When the email comes in please download the translation and send it to client before their deadline' instructions).

He eventually went back to work with his father where he'll either get spoilt rotten as being the son of the owner or get the shock of his life and be expected to WORK! The horror!

At the very least he might get the idea that you will always be there, and while you cannot change the orbit of the stars (or other people's behaviour) you will be there with tea and a shoulder to cry on.
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